Ingredients
• lettuce
• other vegetables (optional)
• fruits (optional)
• meats and cheeses (optional)
• salad dressing (optional)
• crunchy/crispy toppings (optional)
Gear
• a colander
• cutting board
• knife
• vegetable peeler in case of carrots or cucumbers
• cheese grater, maybe
Making It
Step 1:
If you have a head of iceberg lettuce, how are you even reading this because you have no brain? But, really, peel off the outer 2 or three leaves, which are probably a bit wilty. You can do that with bunch lettuce (like romaine) as well.
Step 2:
Wash your lettuce, unless it is pre-washed and ready to eat packaged salad mix. To wash iceberg lettuce (head lettuce), hold it under cold running water and rotate it around as though you are Marco Polo, looking for a new trade route. Let water run under the leaves and let the head of lettuce drain in the colander. For bunch lettuce, such as romaine, pull each leaf off and rinse it in cold running water and put the leaves in the colander to drain.
Step 3:
Using paper towels and strength of will, dry your lettuce until its wetness no longer repulses you.
Step 4:
Tear the lettuce with your hands, you barbarian, or cut it with a knife into pieces that will fit in your mouth without dangling out of your face.
Step 5:
Put the lettuce in a bowl or on a plate and add stuff. Here are some good combinations:
• shredded carrots (use the cheese grater) and sliced cucumbers (and pine nuts)
• apple chunks and sunflower seeds
• very thin slices of red onion and tomatoes (and cheddar cheese)
• chef salad possible ingredients: cucumber, red onion, carrots, tomatoes, ham chunks, cheese chunks, hard boiled egg pieces, bacon bits, croutons
Other things you can put in a salad:
– leftover chicken, chopped
– olives, whole or sliced
– shredded cabbage (you can usually buy a bag of this, pre-washed and ready to eat)
– garbonzo beans (AKA chickpeas)
– chopped, fresh, uncooked broccoli
– chopped, fresh, uncooked cauliflower
– chopped, fresh, uncooked summer squash (zucchini, yellow squash)
– fish-shaped crackers, that smile
Step 6:
Put salad dressing on it. Or don’t. You can make a quick salad dressing by mixing 3 parts olive oil to 2 parts red wine vinegar. Whisk them together to emulsify it into a harmonious symphony of flavor, or something.
Step 7:
Eat your veggies and call your mom to brag about it.